Today is just one day.

I'm sitting here feeling overloaded and overwhelmed. I'm trying not to feel sorry for myself, but it is definately an uphill battle. I spent the entire weekend in bed because it hurt so bad to try to walk it just wasn't worth it. (I really got up quite a bit - it just really hurt when I did.) I stayed in my most comfy pj's and read, slept or watched TV. It is amazing to me how tired just being in pain makes you. I'm beginning to loose hope that whatever is causing this is going to be easy to fix. And beginning to wonder if I can look forward to a life anytime soon.

Becky is so wonderful, and so frustrating. At times she seems so grown up, I forget she is still just a little girl. She's every bit as tall as I am - and since I was well under 5 foot until I was well over 15 it is really easy to expect a lot from her. Most of the time she's great and I go along floating and thinking wow - how did I get so lucky. Then there is the other stuff. Like most kids Becky isn't really fond of doing her chores. That is all inclusive, getting the dishes done and her room clean is easier done for her. And every time I'm tempted to do them for her I can hear Mom saying, "Why don't you love your daughter enough to teach her. Don't leave her unable to care for her family and herself."

When Mom was growing up she was the youngest of the girls, and since her sisters were older and more "capable" she was left out when it came time to do anything constructive. After much needling she was fianlly allowed to dust the furniture and iron the hankies. Other that that she was sent out to play. After her papa died and her mom had to go to work, Mom still didn't have much to do with the regular chores. At that point Mom was almost through High School. Can you imagine? One day after a long day working at the VA Hospital and a long ride home on the bus grandma came in and asked Mom if she couldn't have at least started dinner. It had never occured to Mom that it was a possibility. The next day Grandma came home to Mom's "dinner" - she had opened and heated up a can of beans. Grandma did all the cooking after that.

After her marriage she had to learn to cook and clean. It was hard going and I notice for years Dad was quite thin in the family pictures. By the time I came along Mom was quite a good cook and baker. Even with that she was determined to teach me all that she knew. When I got old enough (I started fixing dinner as per her instructions when I was 7) I took over basically all the cooking. My family cried as I left to get married - they had to go back to Mom's cooking. She was a good cook - I'm just better. What can I say - she was able to teach me how her mother cooked, even though she had never been able to do that herself.

All in all Mom left me much better prepared for life than she had been. I will just have to grit my teeth and stand my resolve and teach. That is a much more difficult job than doing! So off I go to love and nurture and teach my precious daughter. I can do that today - I can! And today is just one day.