Get on with it

My sister,Tami, has been after me for months to do this. She sent me an email today with the links and everything, so I really can't procrastinate any longer. Hopefully this will help, and not make everyone who reads it depressed. Since the first part of July this year my major focus has been on my mom,Ruth, and my daughter, Becky. To be truthful Becky was really getting the short shift, but since we both knew Mom was dying, we both realized that was how it had to be for right now. We spent every moment possible with her, and we treasure each moment we had. Mom died August 30th and her funeral was the 6th of September. Since then I've been trying to put my life back together. I've been having problems with chest pains for the last year, but I can't tell now how much of the pain I'm feeling is my "heart" and how much is profound sadness. Over the years I've kept in close contact with Mom, and since the advent of unlimited long distance calling I've talked to her every day at least once. I thought it was hard when she moved back to Washington, and I knew I was going to miss her soooo much. I really wasn't prepared for how empty I would be left feeling. Several times a day I'll think - oh I need to let Mom know about - and then I realize she is beyond my phone calls now.

How wonderful it is to have really great parents! How much we need to remember this as we raise our own children. My parents were by no means perfect. Thank heavens for that! I feel enough pressure to be the best person I can be, both daughter, sister, wife, mother and grandmother, without the added pressure of having to match a parents perfection. How grateful I am for the lessons taught by my parents! not the least of which is my children will survive and thrive in spite of my mistakes.

How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who realized that we would never be beyond the need for our parents and made it possible for us to be families forever. That no matter how much time we have in this life, there are always more things we want to do and learn and see. And how grateful I am to know that Mom lives! To know that her shell has given up and couldn't go on, but she will continue forever, and we will be able be together again.

So where now I may feel profound sadness and miss Mom sooo much now. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and that soon I'll be able to think of Mom, and remember all - the good and the sad with celebration at the wonderful life she had and we shared.